Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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