Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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