Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
