I cannot find my penis.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize