I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
