Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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