I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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