How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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