he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
