There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
