I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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