i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
