i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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