We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
