Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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