Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
