haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize