so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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