I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
