My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
