How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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