Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
