Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
