how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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