This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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