I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
