i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
