I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize