i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
