She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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