I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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