oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
