Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
