I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
