do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
