Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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