i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
