i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
