It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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