in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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