soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
