I think I died a long time ago.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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