Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
