Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I will be naked everywhere
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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