I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
These tits shall not be calmed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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