so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
