there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
