I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize