Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
