if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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