covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
