4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We don't watch enough power rangers
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
