somebody snuck up and got me drunk
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize