party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Bring me that man meat
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
