the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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