I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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