she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
