sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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