I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
