I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
