I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They have beer where we have blood.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
