I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
