Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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