I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize