how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
