the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize