I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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