I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to wash the frat house off of me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
