there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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