Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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