So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
