they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
