Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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