blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
