I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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