if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I deserve this hangover.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
