It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
