I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
