im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
