So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
