I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You ate ashes out of my bong
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
