I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
