I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize