I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
