Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
