You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
