If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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