omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
