If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
