addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
