Even the bartender felt bad for me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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