Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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