just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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