we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
