If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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