Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
