I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize