Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize