Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
