You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That accounts for only three of the penises
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
