no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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