Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
